The British people are preparing to bring out the bunting for a day of street parties, fetes and carnivals to celebrate the chance to express their views on electoral reform.

‘May the 5th will be a day to remember,’ said Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. ‘It will be great to see the entire nation joining together to rejoice at this historic moment. At last people are beginning to see just how exciting the subject of voting reform can be.’

‘Everyone around here is looking forward to the big day,’ said one street party organiser, Mrs Maureen Grebe of Haslemere. ‘All we can talk about are the relative merits of First Past the Post versus the Alternative Vote and the psephological impact on the key marginals. We haven’t had this much fun since The Maastricht Treaty Wine and Cheese Party.’

Souvenir companies are already reporting massive sales of Referendum Day merchandise including electoral reform plates decorated with the grinning face of AV supporter Kriss Akabusi and a set of limited edition First Past the Post-It Notes to remind people to vote No. However, the biggest sales are for a commemorative ‘Say Yes to AV’ tea towel imprinted either side with the two faces of Nick Clegg.

On the big day thousands of well wishers are expected to line the streets of London to wave and cheer a special Referendum Day debate that will take place at Westminster Abbey. The debate, to be moderated by the Archbishop of Canterbury, will see David Cameron and Nick Clegg look adoringly into each others eyes before declaring their love for their preferred voting system. The ceremony will reach a global TV audience of over a billion people, all of whom will be captivated by the pomp and circumstance surrounding a discussion on electoral reform.

‘This promises to be a truly historic day,’ said one man who has already pitched his tent outside the Abbey, ‘In the future I will be able to tell my grandchildren that I was there when the decision was made to alter or not alter the voting system in such a way that all future election results might be ever so slightly different, but not so much that anyone would notice.’

‘To think of all those people singing and dancing in the street over electoral reform brings a tear to my eye,’ said Nick Clegg, wearing a yellow paper hat and honking his party blower, ‘It makes all my broken pledges, backroom deals and miserable little compromises worth it. In fact I imagine a lot of people will be having so much fun at their street party that they may completely forget to cast their vote in the referendum – but I guess that’s what democracy is all about.’

The first meeting of David Cameron’s coalition cabinet has ended in chaos and division with angry arguments about the fairest distribution of tea and biscuits.

‘The existing system of ‘First-Pass-the-HobNobs’ is patently unfair,’ said Lib-Dem leader, Nick Clegg, ‘by the time the biscuits get round to us Eric Pickles has taken all the Chocolate Bourbons. All we are left with are Dr Liam Fox’s Butter Crinkles and nobody wants them.’

‘The Liberal Democrats would like to see a fairer system in which biscuits are allocated according to the number of teas that each of us has,’ said Business Secretary, Vince Cable, ‘I drank three cups of tea but got no biscuits. George Osborne had one cup but snaffled four Custard Creams and a Jammie Dodger, which I clearly saw him hiding under the table.’

The arguments intensified when Home Secretary, Theresa May, raised objections to the Lib-Dem policy of ‘dunking’. ‘We are a modern, progressive party,’ said Mrs May, ‘but I have to draw the line at people who dunk. It is immoral, unnatural and it leaves a horrid gunky mess at the bottom of the cup. That is something I find very difficult to swallow.’

Tensions reached breaking point when William Hague stormed out of the room following a perceived insult from Energy Secretary, Chris Huhne. ‘I think he must have misheard me,’ said Mr Huhne, ‘all I said was that I really hate Garibaldis.’

As the coalition began to crumble, David Cameron made a last ditch attempt to salvage the situation by promising a referendum on AB, or Alternative Biscuits. Under the system every member of cabinet would list their three favourite biscuits in strict order of preference before receiving a variety box containing biscuits nobody really wanted.

‘If the cabinet cannot agree over biscuits then it could trigger a ‘Ginger Snap Election’,’ said constitutional expert, Professor Peter Hennessy, ‘the only remaining option is for David Cameron to ask The Queen to call for the Duchy Originals – something that sounds good in principle but the country simply cannot afford.’