Downing Street has confirmed that David Cameron will now be charging a fee for anyone to ask him a question in the House of Commons.

‘This is all perfectly legal and above board,’ said Francis Maude, Minister for the Cabinet Office and Lightning Conductor General, ‘but it’s only reasonable that Mr Cameron is fairly remunerated for his work at PMQs, especially now that he has to pay for his own dinners.’

The revelations came to light when former party treasurer Peter Cruddas was secretly filmed hanging around outside the House of Commons offering MPs a chance for a ‘quickie’ with the Prime Minister, plus the possibility that ‘Samanfa might watch’.

Under the scheme MPs can choose from a range of packages. The entry level Toady Club offers members a chance to ask sycophantic questions such as, ‘Wouldn’t the Prime Minister agree with me that he is doing a simply marvellous job?’ Meanwhile, The Wannabe Leader’s Group offers the opportunity to ask Mr Cameron questions about his record or personal integrity, with prices starting at only £10,000 each. Questions by Dennis ‘Beast of Bolsover’ Skinner have been set at a modest £250,000.

‘I shouldn’t have to pay good money to hold the Prime Minister to account,’ said Opposition leader Ed Miliband. ‘Given my performance, if anything, he should be paying me.’

However, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg said he thought the charges were quite reasonable. ‘If I had known it was this cheap to get access to Mr Cameron I wouldn’t have needed to sell my soul.’

People watching PMQs at home will now also be subject to charges. Under the new Prime Ministerial Paywall, subscribers to the basic package will get access to all of PMQs plus repeats of classic Cameron on Dave Ja Vu.

Meanwhile an adult channel, Cameron Blue, will offer viewers the chance to see the Prime Minister in his Downing Street flat performing a sexy pole dance and talking dirty about tax cuts. This service is expected to be very popular among merchant bankers.

Mr Maude denied that Cash for Prime Ministerial Questions would undermine the democratic process. ‘While people will be paying for the chance to ask Mr Cameron questions he won’t be providing any answers,’ he promised, ‘and there is absolutely no way we would ever allow a question at PMQs to actually influence government policy.’

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Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg is to be given a tiny steering wheel, just like Maggie from The Simpsons, while David Cameron is answering Prime Minister’s Questions.

Mr Clegg is understood to be absolutely delighted with his new wheel, which he can use to turn left and turn right in accordance with prevailing government policy. ‘It gives me a real sense of power,’ said an excited Mr Clegg ‘and it even has a little horn which I can honk, but only if Dave says it is safe to do so.’

‘The wheel was a crucial part of the coalition agreement,’ said Mr Cameron, ‘and it is great to think that while I am up at the dispatch box dealing with important matters of state, Nick can sit behind me with his steering wheel and still feel part of the action.’The original inspiration for the wheel came from the popular TV show, The Simpsons. ‘As soon as Nick saw that baby Maggie had a steering wheel, he wanted one too,’ said a Downing Street source, ‘we even managed to find him a nice yellow one to match his tie.’

‘The steering wheel is a clear sign that Nick is influencing government policy,’ said Liberal Democrat Simon Hughes, ‘when I look across at the government benches and see the wheel come out, I know that we are really making a difference.’

Other Liberal Democrat cabinet members have also been issued with their own tiny toys. Chief Secretary to the Treasury Danny Alexander has a Fisher Price shop till while Business Secretary Vince Cable regularly sits in a Wendy House rocking backwards and forwards with his head in his hands.

Nick Clegg will unveil his new steering wheel at the next Prime Minister’s Questions. ‘This government is all about giving power back to the people,’ said Mr Clegg, ‘I want everyone in Britain to feel the same sense of power as I do when I honk my little horn.’