Politicians to be permanently sealed within giant Westminster Bubble
September 4, 2013
Plans to contain the entire Westminster village within a vast geodesic sphere are almost complete. The multi-million pound Odium Project aims to collect every variety of politician, lobbyist and political journalist and keep them in a safe, temperature controlled environment.
‘We hope that by containing all the different types of political species we might be able to learn something new about how they operate,’ said Project Director Dr Marcus Pennington. ‘It will also keep them from interacting with the real world, which, as we know, can be disastrous.’
Within the bubble there will be two enclosures, or biomes. The topical biome will allow politicians to run around briefing, counter-briefing and making ill-informed comments about a hot topic in the news. Meanwhile, a second dome will give them something to claim expenses on.
The Odium Project is set to become a popular visitor attraction where the public can come and watch politicians operating in their natural environment. ‘We encourage visitors to look at these strange creatures, but not to touch them or try to give them food,’ explained Dr Pennington. ‘They might appear cute but they easily get excited and things can quickly escalate into a full-scale feeding frenzy.’
Dr Pennington also revealed plans to cross-fertilise certain species of politician to create entirely new varieties. ‘We currently have a very weak strain of Miliband that we are hoping to cross with a hardy perennial, the Dennis Skinner, to create a much more outspoken Leader of the Opposition with an endless supply of abusive comments.’
A more controversial scheme is the plan to create a new Tory hybrid, the Boris-Tebbit. The end result will be a politician that gets on its bike and looks for photo opportunities.
Meanwhile a conservation program will help save endangered species such as The Lesser Spotted Clegg, a rare two-faced chimera currently on the verge of extinction. However, so far, this proposal has seen a notable lack of funding.
The Westminster Bubble will be secured and vacuum sealed next month when all the air will be pumped out leaving the inhabitants to exist purely on the oxygen of publicity.