Sarah Palin tour bus has bomb on board that will explode if she travels below 50mph
June 2, 2011
The much-heralded Sarah Palin One Nation Bus Tour has been given an added level of excitement after it was revealed that there is a bomb on board that will detonate if she takes her foot off the pedal.
It is unclear who planted the bomb although it may have been the work of a crazed Dennis Hopper fan, or a desperate attempt by Keanu Reeves to find work.
The former vice-presidential candidate was first alerted to the danger when Fox News presenter Glenn Beck pulled up alongside the bus waving and screaming like a madman. ‘At first we thought it was just Glenn being Glenn,’ said Palin, ‘but it turns out he was trying to warn us.’
Beck has so far done everything he can to help save Palin by clambering on and off her bus while wildly flapping his arms about. However, this was to no avail as a visibly panicked Palin performed a number of extreme manoeuvres, veering wildly to the right and totally out of control.
Meanwhile, an attempt by Donald Trump to get under the bus and defuse the bomb had to be abandoned after he cut the wrong wire and his hair flew off.
Despite the setback Palin has vowed to carry on with the tour. ‘The bomb will inevitably change the campaign,’ admitted a Palin aide, ‘but so far everyone seems delighted that she is speeding through their town without stopping. If anything it might help.’
The tour will travel the East coast of America, allowing Palin to visit a number of ‘patriotic’ sites, although for the sake of security she will only be allowed to do so at very high speed, shouting out of the window as she goes by.
The bus will then accelerate along an unfinished highway before attempting to jump a massive credibility gap. Palin is then expected to finish the tour driving around in circles, hotly pursued by a convoy of reporters in a high-speed media merry-go-round.
President Obama has already dispatched a SWAT team to help rescue Palin. ‘Although we have our political differences I cannot stand by and allow Mrs Palin to be blown up,’ he said, ‘her running for President is my best hope of winning.’