Royal Wedding to feature 3D holographic Diana

January 10, 2011

Diana

The Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton will include a 3D computer generated Lady Di who will appear at Westminster Abbey to give her blessing to the happy couple.

The full details were disclosed by St James’ Palace: ‘We are pleased to announce that the marriage ceremony will feature a full colour moving hologram of the late Princess of Wales,’ adding, ‘This is not in any way creepy and is exactly what the public wants.’

Scientists, in conjunction with The Daily Express, have been working for many years to develop a perfect representation of Diana that can make public appearances and recreate her special magic.

At the beginning of the ceremony, Archbishop Rowan Williams will declare: ‘We are gathered here today to witness the coming together of two young people in love, but before I go any further will you all please put on your special glasses.’ At this point a 3D holographic Diana will materialise in the Abbey before floating magisterially over the heads of the congregation.

The sequence, choreographed by director of Avatar, James Cameron, will see the CGI Di perform a number of aerial manoeuvres, swooping round the Abbey and occasionally dive-bombing Prince Philip. She will then come to rest, hovering ethereally above the happy couple and anoint them with virtual reality tears.

An estimated television audience of over one billion people are expected to tune in to see the holographic Princess, a spectacle that will climax with her performing a duet of Candle in the Wind with a CGI Elton John.

‘There is a lot of pressure to get this right on the day,’ said Royal holograph operator, Field Marshall Peter Chigley. ‘In one of the rehearsals somebody programmed in the wrong hologram and we ended up with Princess Leia saying: ‘Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi’ – which, of course, would be quite inappropriate.’

It is hoped that after making her appearance at the wedding the holographic Diana will be used to open hospitals, host charity events and be hired out to foreign dignitaries and playboy businessmen.

Speaking outside Downing Street, Prime Minister David Cameron welcomed the 3D Di, saying, ‘She is the People’s Hologram, and that is how she will stay. But only if you wear the special glasses.’

Philip may bring shotgun

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