Nick Clegg to repeal second law of thermodynamics

July 5, 2010

As part of his campaign to abolish bad and unnecessary legislation, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has announced plans to abolish the second law of thermodynamics – the law that states the universal principle of entropy.

‘The British people are sick and tired of things continually breaking down,’ said Mr Clegg, ‘this law stands in the way of progress and it has to go.’

The announcement follows extensive consultation in which the public were invited to nominate the laws that they would most like to see abolished. ‘There was a clear consensus that the universal principle of decay had become a real nuisance,’ said Mr Clegg, before going on to promise what he described as ‘the biggest shake-up to the fundamental laws of physics since the Big Bang.’

Constitutional lawyers are now working alongside physicists to draft a replacement law of thermodynamics to plug the gap between laws one and three.

‘It won’t be easy creating an entirely new law of physics completely from scratch,’ explained government advisor Professor Brian Cox, ‘we tried it back in 1997 when I was a member of D:Ream and we drafted legislation stating that ‘things can only get better’. However, because of the second law of thermodynamics, things inevitably collapsed into a state of war, corruption and economic meltdown.’

The decision to reverse the irreversibility of nature was warmly welcomed by the Prime Minister: ‘The second law dates back to the beginning of time itself,’ said Mr Cameron ‘and is therefore an anachronism. The repeal of this fundamentally regressive legislation will go a long way to help mend Broken Britain.’

Speaking at a press conference the Deputy Prime Minister promised to repeal any other bothersome laws of physics. ‘Many people have expressed concerns that the law of gravity is placing an intolerable constraint on their civil liberties to float about from place to place,’ he said, ‘and nobody should have to live under the constant threat of being hit on the head with an apple.’

The newly revised laws of physics will come into effect next Tuesday, announced Mr Clegg, before he gently drifted out of the window and off into the distance.

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