Shock end to Queen’s Speech as everyone in Parliament turns out to be a ghost

May 25, 2010

In a surprise twist to the State Opening of Parliament, the Queen revealed that everyone involved was dead and only existed in a parallel dimension.

‘This may be difficult for some of you to take in,’ said the Queen, ‘but every one here in the Palace of Westminster is a ghost. You are all sinners waiting in a state of purgatory as punishment for your crimes.’

‘This a major disappointment,’ said BBC political editor Nick Robinson, ‘I have been watching Parliament since Season One and this ending just seems like a terrible cop out.’

Writers of the long running drama had struggled to find an exit strategy after a series of increasingly convoluted and preposterous storylines. ‘We needed to find some way of tying up all those loose ends,’ said writer, Ashley Pharoah, ‘we toyed with a nuclear bomb or a plane crash but in the end we decided that it was easiest to pretend that none of it had happened in the first place.’

Fans of the show say that the clues were there all along. ‘The House of Lords was obviously full of people who had already passed away,’ said political historian, Professor Peter Hennessy, ‘Gordon Brown had been walking around with a deathly pallor for months and many of us had already twigged that David Cameron wasn’t really human.’

‘The whole thing had been going on far too long anyway,’ said parliamentary commentator Matthew Parris, ‘and some of the recent plot twists had stretched credulity too far. A coalition between the Conservatives and the Liberals. I mean, really…’

Many fans still remain confused. ‘I realise that all the politicians are ghosts,’ said one, ‘but were they all a figment of the Queen’s imagination or is she dead too?’ Meanwhile, others are wondering whether the recent General Election had actually happened. ‘I distinctly remember voting,’ said housewife, Mrs Maureen Grebe, ‘but then I woke up and discovered a government that nobody had voted for. Was that all part of some crazy dream as well?’

‘Why did it all have to end like this?’ bemoaned the show’s newest character, Nick Clegg, as tears rolled down his face, ‘things were all going so well for me and now it turns out I don’t even exist. What a swizz.’

The complete DVD box set of Parliament is now available in the shops at a cost of £6.2 billion.

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