Kay Burley trapped under collapsing Sky News Wall

March 1, 2010

“It was horrendous,” said fellow presenter Adam Boulton, “Kay was just standing there when I heard the noise of breaking news. By the time I turned round, the entire wall had collapsed and she had been crushed by the full weight of events.”

Burley, now trapped under the rubble of the giant interactive video screen, continues to give regular live updates. “I am reporting to you quite literally from inside the news,” said Burley, “around me all I can see are the shattered remains of events, stories that have been tragically cut off in their prime, news items that will never now see the light of day. But one story remains. A story of hope. A story of triumph over disaster. And that story is me.”

A search and rescue operation is already underway, led by Sky Weatherman, and all action hero, Francis Wilson. “If I have to pull the rubble apart with my bare hands then I will do it,” said Wilson, ripping off his shirt and adjusting his hair, “I will do whatever it takes to save Kay Burley.”

There is increasing concern that Burley, who is caught within a multi-media air pocket, will soon run out of the oxygen of publicity. “We will report on her plight for as long as we can,” said Dermot Murnaghan, “but, inevitably, there will be a point when we get bored of her and move on to another more important story. We can only hope and pray that during this critical period all sports stars stop having affairs.”

It is unclear what caused the News Wall to collapse although many had warned that it was structurally unsound. “A lot of the wall was held together by much weaker items that were not made of actual news,” said media expert, Raymond Snoddy, “Within the rubble we have already found the remnants of celebrity gossip, tittle tattle and idle speculation. These features will have severely undermined the integrity of the wall and made it vulnerable to collapse.”

Hopes were beginning to fade for Burley last night, who is being kept alive by a 24 hour news feed. “We don’t know how long she can survive in there,” said a tearful Eamonn Holmes, “but we really need to get her out soon because tomorrow she’s got a very big interview with Peter Andre.”


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