Greek austerity measures intensify with ‘one plate per day’ smashing rule

February 10, 2010

“This policy makes me furious”, said Mrs Anna Papadopoulos, “I am so angry I could smash a plate – but annoyingly I have already exceeded my quota for today.”

As thousands of Greeks took to the streets in protest, Prime Minister George Papandreou said, “Given the state of our national debt we simply cannot afford to keep smashing so many plates. I urge the people of Greece to tighten their belts and limit themselves to one plate per day.”

The austerity regulations have already resulted in the closure of restaurants, the cancellation of weddings and the sorry sight of desperate Greeks scrabbling in the dirt trying to glue together broken bits of plate in the hope of re-smashing them later.

Economist Nikos Nickernackernockerdos has blamed the current economic crisis on the country’s recent membership of the Single European Plate: “The Europlate has been an absolute disaster,” he said, “It is not part of Greek culture and people have become increasingly frustrated by the fact that it is made of rubber.”

As the European Union discusses a possible bail out strategy, the Disasters Emergency Committee stepped in yesterday with a humanitarian relief effort to airlift over 150,000 plates to the city of Athens.

Expectant crowds gathered at the Temple of Olympian Zeus as planes flew overhead and dropped their payload to the sound of joyful dancing and cheering.

“The noise of those plates crashing to the ground was music to our ears,” said Prime Minister Papandreou, “but sadly it isn’t enough to sustain the crude cultural stereotype for which we are known and loved. So please, please,” he urged, “keep sending more plates.”

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