Obama cancels Moon-on-a-Stick Project
February 3, 2010
“Everybody wants the moon on a stick,” said the President, “but this project is over budget, behind schedule and just plain crazy.” The multi-billion dollar scheme to connect a long slender piece of wood to the lunar sphere has finally hit the buffers after NASA exceeded their $9 billion budget trying to find the right size stick.
Breaking the news to his colleagues, NASA Administrator Charles Bolden said, “The cancellation of this scheme is a major disappointment. Ever since humans first looked up at the moon they have dreamed of holding it on a stick. Sadly, we may have to wait a little longer for that dream to come true.”
NASA technicians say that they have struggled to find one single stick long enough to reach the moon. “Ideally we need a stick that is more than 238,000 miles long,” said NASA’s head of logistics, Chuck Nurgleburger, “So far we have been forced to spend most of our time gluing together lots of smaller sticks. Of course, even if we can get a stick up there we still have to find a way of wrapping the sellotape round the moon in order to keep it in place.”
The cancellation of the project comes as a severe blow to 8-year-old Billy Bob Jenkins who had been specially selected to be the first holder of the Lunar Lolly. “It’s so unfair,” he whined, “I want the moon on a stick. Obama sucks.”
Alabama Senator Richard Shelby joined in the criticism. “President Obama promised the people of America the moon. Now he is abandoning this noble project in order to pay for madcap schemes such as healthcare insurance. As an American patriot I demand my inalienable right to life, liberty and the moon on a stick.”
“On the bright side, the cancellation of this mission has freed up resources for NASA to pursue other projects,” said Charles Bolden, “We can now really focus our efforts into putting spiders on Mars, creating a space station for otters and building a tunnel to Neptune.”