Bank of England Sells Unwanted Gold Reserves After Seeing Daytime TV Ad
January 26, 2010
The Bank of England has confirmed that they will be selling the nation’s entire gold reserves after the Governor, Mervyn King, saw an advertisement on daytime television. “It’s great”, said Mr King, “all we have to do is collect up all our unwanted gold, pop it in an envelope and they will do the rest. We could even get a quote within 24 hours,” he added, excitedly.
Bank of England staff are understood to be working around the clock to get all the gold reserves into reasonably sized jiffy bags. “We’re absolutely swimming in the stuff”, said one Bank of England worker. “To be honest it will be a relief to get it out from under our feet.”
Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling has welcomed the Bank’s decision. “Turning gold bullion into cash is a splendid idea and could help us refinance the British economy. I am already talking to the Queen who says she may have some old jewellery lying around.”
All government departments have been instructed to pursue similar money saving measures. The National Health Service is now almost entirely funded by nurses selling patient’s mobile phones to Mazumamobile while The Ministry of Defence is in extensive negotations with the company, webuyanytanks.com
The Chancellor also revealed plans to sell off two of the nation’s national treasures. Stephen Fry has already attracted interest from a Russian oligarch who wants to use him as a house slave. Meanwhile, Sir David Attenborough is to be sold to the Chinese for use as an aphrodisiac.